Preparing for a Divorce

Getting a divorce involves more than signing your name at the bottom of a legal document. For some people, it becomes complicated financially and emotionally, and not understanding the process can add to the problems.

Fortunately, several excellent books can educate couples going through this difficult process. Divorce is a loss, and like any other loss, it involves five stages:

1. Initially, we feel inclined to deny any problems. The situation is overwhelming, and denial – “Everything is just fine” – is a logical first response.
2. When it becomes clear that there is indeed a problem, we fight back with anger. We are angry at being in this unexpected position. Betrayal and rejection can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like binge eating or excessive drinking.
3. This stage of our grief is bargaining, either with ourselves or with the spouse. We may say, “I’ll stop spending so much if you agree to work on the relationship,” or “I will stop spending money on clothes if you don’t leave me.” Bargaining usually keeps us unrealistically optimistic – if I do that, he will have to love me again.”
4. With stage four, we sink into depression and loneliness. The fact that we will be or already are alone is sinking in and becomes real. If the depression becomes overwhelming, it is a good idea to speak with a professional.
5. Acceptance marks the end of the journey: acknowledging the divorce and planning for the future.

Books that can help you through the process

Luckily, there are books that can help guide us through the grieving stages and the realistic necessities of post-divorce life. Divorce is lonely, and sometimes, a book can be a good and wise companion. Life continues after divorce, so let’s prepare for this new stage.

1. How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed: A Memoir by Theo Pauline Nestor: This is the story of how the author’s survived her own divorce and how she dealt with it.
2. Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan J. Elliot: This Amazon best-seller provides the positivity needed for a successful post-divorce life. Reviewers hailed this book as a “lifesaver.”
3. All About Love by Bell Hooks: Written from a feminist perspective, it encourages readers to challenge their preconceived notions about love and personal growth as women after divorce.
4. Aftermath: On Marriage and Separation by Rachel Cusk. The author discusses her own topsy-turvy emotional rollercoaster ride during her divorce proceedings.
5. It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Behrendt: Written by a man, this post-divorce book offers valuable male insight into the process. In effect, he helps a woman understand that perhaps the love of her life is less into her and that it is time to move on. Now.
6. Heartburn by Nora Ephron. This writer of romantic comedies such as Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve Got Mail writes about her own divorce – and will leave the reader in stitches. Never underestimate the curative forces of a good laugh when everything is going wrong.
7. Split by Suzanne Finnamore. This book leads the reader through the five stages of grief and offers practical advice for each. 
8. I Just Want This Done: How Smart, Successful People Get Divorced without Losing their Kids, Money, and Minds by Raiford Palmer: This divorce attorney provides practical advice on how to survive a divorce with minimal grief and create a better future.
9. The Co-Parenting Handbook: Raising Well-Adjusted and Resilient Kids from Little Ones to Young Adults through Divorce or Separation. The most difficult part of a divorce can involve children. This handbook guides couples on successful co-parenting and addressing children’s emotional and physical needs.
10. Two Homes Filled with Love: A Story about Divorce and Separation. This book is specifically tailored for children whose parents are going through or have gone through a divorce. The “My Dragon” series finds the character providing comfort for a friend. Children find comfort in relatable pictures of two homes.
11. Healing After Loss by Martha W. Hickman. This book contains daily meditations that aid in the grief process and support the realignment of negative emotions.

Conclusion

Every divorce is unique, but almost everyone undergoing the process needs some support. Stories of others surviving divorce offer strength and a sense of belonging.

The legal process can get difficult, which is why we always recommend that you seek the assistance of counsel; or at least have a consultation. Schedule a consultation with one of our attorneys today to review the issues of your case, the legal options you may have, and certain rights that pertain to your unique situation.

Have more questions? Let us know by sending an email to: questions@legallotus.legal and we will do our best to develop content to provide you with direction and insight!

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