Embarking on the journey of understanding narcissistic manipulation uncovers an array of devious tools narcissists wield. Chief among them are words, expertly twisted into sharp weapons to work against you. Recognizing these phrases is the first line of defense against agreeing to unsound demands.
Narcissists’ Weaponized Words
People may say anything at any time. The use of any of the phrases below is not automatic proof of narcissism. If used consistently, these phrases warrant awareness. Never act against your better judgment.
- “You are too sensitive.” Narcissists dodge responsibility for their actions, often diverting the blame to you.
- “You’ve said that a thousand times,” often accompanied by eye-rolling. The insinuation is the issue lies in your repetition, implying their continued disregard.
- “I know what I am talking about.” The unspoken follow-up is “And you don’t,” intending to undermine your confidence.
- “Just trust me,” is a classic narcissist phrase. Genuine trust doesn’t require constant reinforcement.
While anyone may use these phrases, consistent usage can indicate narcissistic tendencies. Awareness helps prevent acting against better judgment.
Narcissists Are Remarkably Predictable
A major trait of narcissists: knowing what they want and having determination to get it. There is a pattern to their actions. They like to think of themselves as unique, but if you learn to see through the pattern, it becomes obvious that they are remarkably alike. It’s like watching the same movie over and over again.
Upon first meeting you, they will act as if they have known you for a lifetime. They will profess to love what you love. They will agree with whatever you say. You will find yourself “love bombed” within a few minutes. You notice the narcissist idealizing you with phrases like, “I’ve never met anyone like you!” or “We were simply meant to be together.” Those words can turn into an addictive high. It’s not easy to give them up. One tried and true way of love-bombing you is with the words, “You are so different from my ex …” Truly, just reading the words can be flattering. But how real can they be?
After hooking you, the narcissist moves to phase two. They’ve elevated you, but now aim to tear you down. Yesterday, you may have been “perfect,” but today, you appear to have a weight problem, perhaps an intellect problem, or your tastes are substandard. Any put-down will do to diminish your confidence. Why? It will set you up to try and please them even more. They vary their behavior with enough affection and put-downs to keep you trying. Some of the put-downs are:
- “Why are you so insecure?”
- “I really hoped for better ….”
- “You don’t act as if I am important.”
- “Stop trying to be so manipulative.”
- “I hoped things would be different with you.”
- “I don’t know what you expect of me.”
Dealing with Narcissistic Put-Downs
Narcissistic put-downs can escalate to statements like “You always ruin everything” or “I deserve someone better than you.” They might start badmouthing you to mutual friends, leading to rapid devaluation.
Confronted about their behavior, they play the victim card with retorts such as:
- “I went through a rough time with my ex.”
- “My parents never understood me, either.”
- “I hope we can work things out.”
- “Think of me instead of only you.”
- “Stop blaming me for everything.”
How To Stop A Narcissist
Understanding narcissistic manipulation is crucial in learning how to counter it. The key lies in staying off their radar. Remove yourself from that person as best as you can.
The more effort you put into pleasing a narcissist, the more they critique you. Narcissists feed off ego strokes. Depriving them of this attention is one of the best ways to disengage. Treating a narcissist as ordinary irritates them and turns them off.
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