A common misconception I see with my clients who are divorcing a narcissists is that they are at a point where they feel they are vulnerable, weak, easily manipulated or a naïve individual to get into a relationship with a narcissist in the first place. But this is simply not true.
Narcissists will initially target a partner who is confident, strong-willed, self-sufficient, successful, talented and even admired by others for their talents and successes. Often targets are thriving in a career, have a positive public image, have strong and healthy friendships and family relationships, and some targets have a deep spiritual and religious faith.
Narcissists are attracted to these people for two reasons: 1. Want to be aligned with a partner who will make them feel special and look impressive in the public eye and to other people. 2. The narcissist sees a challenge in their target’s mental and emotional confidence, strong-will and success, and the narcissist will want to break the target down to make themselves feel powerful and superior—basically, gain control over the target.
The common theme here is that it is all control. Narcissists want to have control over their partner. When a narcissist exercises that control and power, they find the relationship successful. In some instances, they may even find entertainment and joy out of destroying another person.
Conclusion
When you’re divorcing a narcissist, remember your successes and strengths you exhibited prior to the relationship. And prepare. Narcissists will attempt to make a divorce messy and draw it out as long as possible. Again, for that control factor.
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