Thanksgiving, a time traditionally focused on family togetherness, can feel complex and emotionally charged for families going through or post-divorce, especially when there are pre-established timesharing agreements. Navigating family dynamics during Thanksgiving can present unique challenges. While timesharing plans are put in place to provide stability, holidays like Thanksgiving often bring up challenges that weren’t anticipated when the schedule was initially created. However, even with an existing court-ordered timesharing arrangement, there are ways to modify or adjust to fit changing circumstances. In this post, we’ll address how to navigate Thanksgiving with an existing timesharing schedule, while also exploring options if changes are needed.
The Emotional Impact of Thanksgiving After Divorce
Divorce transforms the family structure, and this transformation is often more pronounced during holidays like Thanksgiving. Navigating family dynamics during Thanksgiving can be particularly challenging, as children may feel torn between parents, missing the unified family celebrations they once knew. Meanwhile, parents may struggle with feelings of loss, guilt, or even resentment. Recognizing these emotions is essential for co-parents, as addressing them directly can help maintain a sense of stability for the children.
The most effective approach for managing these emotional challenges is for both parents to prioritize the emotional well-being of the children. By keeping the focus on making the holiday positive for the children, co-parents can work through these complexities more effectively.
Working Within an Existing Timesharing Agreement
In Florida and other states, most timesharing arrangements outline specific holiday schedules. These schedules provide clear guidelines for parents and help children maintain consistency during special occasions like Thanksgiving. Although courts generally order these agreements, the system allows for flexibility; parents can request modifications if significant changes occur or if the current arrangement no longer suits the family’s needs
It’s important to remember that not all timesharing agreements are set in stone. If your situation has changed or you need a different arrangement for this year’s Thanksgiving, you can modify the agreement. You can make changes temporarily or permanently through legal channels. Here are some common timesharing arrangements, along with a reminder that you can pursue modifications if necessary:
Alternating Holidays
In many cases, timesharing agreements include a clause for alternating holidays. This means one parent may have the children for Thanksgiving on even years, while the other parent gets Thanksgiving on odd years. Alternating holiday schedules provide balance, ensuring that both parents get meaningful holiday time with the children over the years.
Splitting the Holiday:
Some timesharing agreements allow for the day to be split between both parents. For instance, the children may spend Thanksgiving morning with one parent and the evening with the other. While this arrangement requires cooperation and coordination, it allows the children to celebrate with both parents on the actual holiday. If your current agreement doesn’t offer this arrangement but seems to be a good fit for your family, consider discussing it with your co-parent and modifying the agreement temporarily.
Extended Holiday Time:
For parents who live further apart, some timesharing plans allow for one parent to have the children for the entire Thanksgiving holiday break, while the other parent has them for a different major holiday, such as Christmas. This arrangement reduces travel back and forth, and gives children the chance to settle in and enjoy uninterrupted time with each parent.
Can You Modify the Agreement?
While the above timesharing structures are common, they don’t always work for every family or situation, particularly if circumstances have changed since the agreement was first made. Under Florida law, timesharing agreements can be modified if there is a substantial, material, and unanticipated change in circumstances. For instance, if one parent relocates, changes jobs, or if the children’s needs have evolved, parents can file a petition to modify the timesharing schedule. Additionally, parents can informally agree to temporary changes during the holiday season as long as both parties consent.
If you are considering a modification, it’s important to address the following:
- Substantial Change in Circumstances: A significant life change must have occurred since the original timesharing agreement was put in place.
- In the Best Interest of the Child: The court will always prioritize the child’s best interest when deciding on modifications.
- Consent of Both Parents: If both parents agree on a temporary change (such as alternating schedules just for the holiday), this can often be done without needing court intervention.
Always document any informal agreements to avoid misunderstandings later.
Managing Extended Family Dynamics
Holidays often involve extended family members, making it tricky to navigate family dynamics post-divorce. Both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins want to spend time with the children. Coordinating all these visits can become stressful. It’s important for co-parents to communicate clearly with their extended families about the holiday timesharing schedule.
Setting boundaries and expectations with extended family members can help minimize stress. For example, inform grandparents when the children will be with you or your co-parent. Also, explain any new holiday arrangements. Encourage family members to focus on the positive aspects of the holiday rather than the changes caused by the divorce.
Creating New Traditions
One of the most effective ways to help children adjust to new holiday dynamics, especially when navigating family dynamics during Thanksgiving, is to create new traditions that reflect the current family structure. Instead of focusing on the past, embrace the chance to create positive new memories. These traditions can help children feel a sense of continuity and excitement as they adjust to changes in their family life.
For example, one parent might start a tradition by preparing a unique Thanksgiving dish. They could also take the children on a special outing during the holiday. The other parent might create a new tradition, such as volunteering together as a family or hosting a “Friendsgiving” celebration. The key is to make the holiday enjoyable for the children, regardless of changes in their family structure.
Conclusion
Navigating Thanksgiving after a divorce can be challenging, particularly when working within an existing timesharing agreement. However, with open communication, flexibility, and a focus on the well-being of the children, parents can make the holiday a positive experience. By following the timesharing schedule (or modifying it when necessary), managing family dynamics, and creating new traditions, families can ensure that Thanksgiving remains a time of gratitude, love, and connection, even in the face of change.
The legal process can get difficult, which is why we always recommend that you seek the assistance of counsel; or at least have a consultation. Schedule a consultation with our team today to review the issues of your case, the legal options you may have, and certain rights that pertain to your unique situation.
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