Divorce will affect more than the couple involved. Their children will likely feel less comfortable with intimacy and will be less secure in their own relationships. Children whose parents had divorced are more likely to avoid closeness and have less secure attachment styles than those who did not experience a divorce.
A study at Baylor University led by Maria Boccia, Ph.D.A, found that the hormone Oxytocin, which affects social bonding, can be lower in children whose parents have divorced. This hormone can change how these children respond to relationships when they are young and throughout their life. During these studies, participants were asked about their attachment style. Those who tested with a lower Oxytocin level were more likely to recall their parents’ unstable marriage.
When Parents Divorce
The study revealed that children of divorced parents often struggle to form close relationships, prefer solitude, and lack security in their few relationships. They also feel insecure in the relationships they allow themselves to have. As stated, these participants showed a much lower level of oxytocin in their urine tests. These same participants remembered being less loved by their parents, whom they recalled as being indifferent. The researchers in the study concluded that children of divorced parents showed actual physical changes in their bodies that changed their social behavior. The Baylor University study concluded, “oxytocin activity may be a mediator of the effects of early parental separation on later maternal, sexual and other behaviors … a possible mediator of the observed effects of divorce on children.”
According to this study, children suffering from depression or anxiety are far more likely to be children of divorced parents. These feelings of social anxiety would continue into adulthood and did not simply disappear with time.
Other Factors that Affect Children’s Future Relationships
Divorce can devastate children, but it doesn’t seal their social fate. Additional factors can make bonding with others easier for children. Parental behavior, such as being loving and firm with the children, can help mitigate some of the negative effects of the divorce.
If children regularly witnessed chaos at home, divorce could help them recover by ending these daily difficulties. It seems the daily chaos can actually have a more devastating effect than the divorce itself. These children were eventually able to form healthy social relationships. The reason for this is that while the divorce is traumatic, it can be more traumatic for a child to witness the daily bitter behavior between his or her parents.
The fact is, while divorce can make it problematic for a child to form positive attachments, there will be other influences in his or her life that can change how such a person continues to behave. Finding meaning in life, overcoming challenges, or becoming a parent can all make it easier for children of divorce to socialize and bond. Most people tend to be adaptable in their attachment style. The lucky ones understand that their behavior is a choice, not determined by fate.
Divorce inevitably affects children. However, as children grow up, they do have options. They can seek counseling, examine their thinking, and otherwise change their mindset. Our destiny will always involve choices.
Those who make good choices are able to maintain meaningful relationships. Parental divorce is not an emotional sentence. Overcoming this challenge is possible.
Effects of Divorce – Long or Short Term
Until recently, the professional consensus was that divorce affected children only on a short-term basis. Further studies suggest that parental divorce can leave lasting adult impacts. The major finding has been that children of divorce are more likely to get a divorce as adults.
A study at the University of Helsinki followed the lives of over 1,000 teenagers. A 16-year study found a higher divorce risk among those with divorced parents. It also determined that women of divorced parents showed a higher inclination to remain single. The same did not prove true for men.
The Helsinki study linked women’s attitudes towards relationships more to their bond with their mothers during adolescence. When the relationship was satisfactory, the girl had greater self-esteem, a securer support group and was better able to maintain significant relationships.
Baylor University’s study also recognized other factors influencing children affected by divorce. The general parental relationship with the children also played had an important role in how comfortable these children became at handling closeness and intimacy in a relationship. Again, a child’s life post-divorce is not predetermined. With the support of both parents, the child will have an easier time establishing his or her own romantic relationship.
Conclusion
Florida is a no-fault divorce state. With increasing divorce rates, many marriage partners may have divorced parents. This increases the divorce risk by 50 percent if one partner has divorced parents, and it increases the risk of divorce by 200 percent if both partners come from a divorced home.
The undeniable fact is that parental divorce does and will affect a child’s adult ability to establish his or her own successful relationships. Maintaining a supportive, encouraging relationship with children during divorce can help them recover and limit negative effects. Also, children of divorce may be more able to spot an unsuitable partner and will become more adept at avoiding bad relationships.
Ultimately, how children of divorced parents handle adult relationships depends on their choices and personal responsibility.
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