Narcissists don’t wear a visible red flag. They are normal people who live among us and it may take years to tell the difference. More often than not, you have to find out the hard way.

The term narcissist is thrown around a lot these days but it is not something that should be taken lightly. Becoming romantically involved with a narcissist can be dangerous.

Throughout my years of practicing family law and helping people end and start relationships, I’ve seen how narcissistic behavior affects marriages and relationships. It’s draining to everyone involved, and trust me, you are better off without this person.

Narcissists can ruin your: ability to love; perception of love; relationships; and sense of self-worth. It takes time to get past the charm. So, I’ve made a list of what I have seen based on my experience and overlapping patterns in cases when one spouse or parent exhibits narcissistic traits. Remember, each case is different, and it’s always recommended that you seek professional advice and individual attention. I am a big fan of therapy (and it works).

But before we go through the list, let’s understand what this type of personality disorder is and how it can lead to divorce:

A narcissistic personality disorder is a mental/personality condition in which people have: an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. 

Causes

Statistically speaking, narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood.

Although the cause of narcissistic personality disorder isn’t known, studies conducted by the Mayo Clinic suggest that parents who are overprotective or neglectful may have an impact on a child who develops narcissistic behavior. Genetics and neurobiology also may play a role in the development of narcissistic personality disorder.

5 Signs to be Cautious of:

Here are five signs that your spouse or significant other is a narcissist.

1. Everything Is Always About Them

This person believes the world revolves around them. This exaggerated sense of self-importance leads them to take any situation and make it about themselves.

Had a tough day and want to vent, cry, or talk about it? Good luck trying to do so with a narcissist. They see this as a threat, shifting attention away from themselves is not something they tolerate.

To add to that, narcissists possess an inability (or unwillingness) to recognize the needs and feelings of others. This becomes exceptionally challenging when kids are involved. You are hurt because of something that happened in your day? They will make this about themselves too!

They don’t care about your needs even if they may act like it. This exaggerated sense of self-importance leads them to take any situation and make it about themselves.

2. They have unreasonable expectations and will never be satisfied:

If your spouse constantly expects unreasonable things from you and wants you to meet their needs all the time every time then chances are you are with a narcissist.

A relationship with a narcissist is all about them taking everything from you without any reciprocation. However, it is an insatiable hunger. No matter how many expectations you meet they will still not be satisfied and want more every time.

3. They Play The Blame Game And Guilt-Trip You

Even if they do something wrong, they are so good at manipulating that they will blame it on you, and chances are you will believe them. This is because they can take something minor and turn it into a huge issue by blaming it all on you and making you feel guilty, even when you haven’t done anything wrong.

If you are constantly blamed for everything and made to feel guilty then it is a significant sign that you are married to a narcissist.

4. They are Abusive:

You should never put up with abusive behavior. Never! This applies to mental, emotional, and physical abuse. People with narcissistic personality traits lack empathy. They may be cruel with no regard for your feelings.

They will punish you and neglect you for no reason and withhold their love from you. This is because they have none to give. If you feel emotionally and mentally drained with your spouse, there’s a good chance he/she may be a narcissist.

5. They are never wrong:

If your spouse never takes responsibility for all that they do or justifies their manipulative behavior then they are the very definition of a narcissist.

Their sense of self is so inflated that they will not see the wrong and harm in their behavior. Every bad thing will eventually be your fault because you are not perfect but they are.

Here are some ways to deal with and parent with Narcissist:

1. Minimize contact
2. Establish boundaries. 
3. Remove emotions and keep calm, pleasant, and non-emotional. 
4. Do not bad mouth your ex in front of your child. 

If any of these signs sound familiar then take off your rose-colored glasses and see your partner for who they are. It is not your fault that they are a narcissist. Find the right guidance and/or do your research.  This blog isn’t meant to diagnose your partner but is intended to help you recognize unacceptable behaviors and reactions in the context of a loving, equitable partnership.

Break yourself off this abusive cycle and be free.

Conclusion

The legal process can get difficult, which is why we always recommend that you seek the assistance of counsel; or at least have a consultation. Schedule a consultation with one of our attorneys today to review the issues of your case, the legal options you may have, and certain rights that pertain to your unique situation.

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